Deep Breath

Have you ever had that moment where you can just take a deep breath because everything has finally calmed down? Settled into place?

Maybe you’ve been stressed or anxious about something for a while and it’s finally worked out. It’s such a good feeling to just take that deep breath.

Well, I’m waiting on my deep breath. For about a year now I’ve known that I would be graduating Texas A&M in this coming December. Being the Type A person that I am, I quickly started planning my next steps in life. (This might be a foreign concept to some people. But not for me. I write and plan out everything, including my life.)

I wrote and planned: Graduate in December then graduate school in January getting a Masters in Public Relations/Marketing/Communications, land a cushy job at a Southern magazine firm or an agriculture cooperation, after working a few years and getting settled and married to a Southern gentleman we would start the process of adopting our sweet children from Africa.

It was done. Planned. All I had to do was follow the next steps.

So I took a deep breath right before going to bed last October when I had written this out (literally written out in my journal). The deep breath wasn’t that deep though.

The next day I woke up and realized that something in my plan wasn’t right. I look at it again and took the week rethinking everything. Maybe I was supposed to teach Sunday school somewhere in there. So I added that. Deep breathe…no.

The plan just wasn’t right.

That October is when the Holy Spirit started slowly working on my heart.

I didn’t know what the problem was. Why wasn’t I ok with this perfect plan I had? I was certain that this is how my life should go.

Slowly I realized I had never once in my life truly and completely asked the Lord that His plan, His will, be done, not mine.

If you know me, you know I’m a control freak. To the max. Like reload-the-dishwasher-if-I-didn’t-load-it-control-freak.

So giving God total control of my future was anything but a deep breath. It was hard to turn over my “perfect” plan. But when I did, it felt so good. Total freedom.

Since that day in October, my trust in God had been strengthened, many tears have fallen, and numerous Internet searches for seminaries and ministries have been made.

The plans God has for me He knows, not me. I think it’s that way so that out trust is strengthened, out faith increased.

I’m still waiting for my deep breath. For my plan to come together and know what’s going to happened. It may just come in small pieces. Not the “ten-year plan” like I’d want. But rather the steps that God wants me to take next.

But for this Type A, waiting for the deep breath means strengthened trust and a whole lot of prayer.

These are two of my favorite songs that have encouraged me during this time of waiting. The book of James is a great encouragement of believers in a waiting or weary time…enjoy!